Getting Used To My New Normal

Last day of radiation!

It has been awhile since I posted anything here.

I’m doing well. For awhile it was up and down and I didn’t know what my day would bring. But now I have more good days then bad. I’ve been feeling so well that I called my HR department at work and asked how I get taken off my FMLA leave. Bad idea!

The following day I was knocked on my ass for the first time in about a month and I could not function. I left work early and went home and could hardly keep my eyes open. I slept for 14 hours straight and spent the rest of the weekend on the couch because I felt so tired. It was a rude reminder that I’m still recovering and things won’t be like they were before.

With that said, I’m in the swing of basketball season and I’m working out a few times a week. I complained that I gained some weight during treatment, but I finally dropped the weight. I still see some of it in my midsection, but I hope I can drop it soon. I’m sure all the crap I was eating didn’t help the weight gain 😉

I’ve been on tamoxifen for about 90 days now. The side effects that everyone complains about have sneaked up on me including the best of all—hot sweats at night. If the hot sweats don’t wake me up, it’s the nasty cough that I have now because of my burnt lungs from radiation. The medication is also messing with my menstrual cycle and I never know when it will come–it’s like a fun surprise!

I’m a few months out from my last active treatment and I can’t help but reflect on what I’ve been through and where I’m going.

While my cancer treatment was never easy and there were definitely times that it sucked, but overall, I had it easy. My body reacted well to surgery, chemo and radiation, I was only in the ER once for a fever and had no other complications.

I have used social media to find young people who are going through similar things as I am and a lot of them have some type of problem that pops up. Others have had their cancer spread to other organs, some have 30+ chemo treatments–I can’t even imagine. Some of you may know that I am not religious at all, but for whoever is watching after me, I appreciate it.

The other thing that about treatment that I was surprised about it was how hard radiation was on me. When I was first diagnosed, I was worried about chemo because that is what everyone talks about–no one discusses radiation. I just thought I would breeze through it and that would be that. I laid under this huge machine five days a week and thought, “Is this thing even on? I don’t think this is doing anything.” Then it hit me, my skin started changing color and I was too tired to get to the doctor’s office to get my shot of radiation. It knocked me on my ass and all I wanted to do was sleep. Radiation is no joke and it was not easy. My skin is still discolored, but luckily the hair under my armpit still hasn’t grown back! Silver lining!

So, my days are still dictated by how I feel. I’ve decided to not end my FMLA leave because the minute I do, I’m going to need it again. My life hasn’t definitely changed, even though I try to fight it every day.

3 thoughts on “Getting Used To My New Normal

  1. As your Mom, and caregiver, except for the six days my head was on the stick, I had a hard time watching my precious daughter go through this horrible process. But, I found the strength to do what I had to do. It’s my job, and it’s in the rule book for being a Mom. However, you proved to me what a badass of a woman you are! I am so proud of you my precious first born! You continue to take the bull by the horns and kick it’s nasty ass! I will forever be in your corner cheering you on .
    By the way, the religious thing…….I believe with all my heart
    You had an Angel and many prayers carrying us all through this. Way to fight baby!
    Love you

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