I’m happy to tell you that I am halfway done with radiation!
It has definitely been a grind. I have to drive 30 minutes both ways to get a 10 minute treatment right in the middle of every work day and it has taken a toll.
Since I am scheduled for the same time every day, I get to see the same faces. There are a lot of old people and there is only one other person of color. For the first time, during this entire ordeal, I saw someone younger than me with cancer–a young child was getting a tour of the department and told what to expect when he gets treatment. He was rambunctious and made me reflect on how I was feeling that day. The older patients are as one said, “terminal.” Many of them seem to be in a lot of pain and are just going through the motions to appease loved ones that are with them. Some of them look so miserable and I feel bad for them.
I’m starting to feel the impact of the radiation. For the first week I was tired, but could make it through a work day with no problem. This week has been difficult. I really felt it yesterday–it hit me all of a sudden and I had to go home to rest. I asked the doctor about it later that day and he said I would have my good and bad days. I’ve also started working out more regularly, which I’m hoping will help with my energy, but also get rid of the weight that I gained during chemo.
Today I went home after radiation because I found myself swaying in a meeting like I was about to fall asleep. I came home and took a 3 1/2 hour nap. I continue to not be able to take good care of myself. I don’t listen to what I’ve been told and that I should take it easy. For some reason I am fighting this sickness as if I don’t want it to impact me at all and I don’t understand why. I don’t know if other patients feel this way or if it is just the way I am. I’ve always been the type of person who stays busy–I don’t like too much downtime. Even right now, I’m itching for it to be NBA season again. I’m not sure how to fix it and be better at self care. For those of you out there, learn how to take care of yourself when you need it–it is very important and easier said than done.