This infusion really took its toll on me and had me out for a few days. Everything is compounded, which will continue as I head into my third and fourth treatments. Good times!
I’ve been stressed and it has been contributing to my fatigue. I’ve come to the conclusion that I still have not accepted everything that is happening. Even the physical changes like hair loss–I hide it with a hat or scarf in public. Emotionally I try to stay upbeat and not let most people know that I am not feeling well. I don’t like to look weak, but I guess that most people don’t like to show weakness. I haven’t said no to many things, when in reality I probably should. I haven’t given myself permission to rest when I need the rest. I always try to push through because I don’t want to let anyone down. I need to work on that.
Despite the hard days, I have had some good ones. One of my bffs, Vanessa, came out to visit right after my chemo. She spent most of her time watching me lay in bed, but she did get me out of the house a few times and I’m grateful for that.
I also went to Sephora for a workshop. The class was called Brave Beauty in the Face of Cancer, which was a free workshop for those who have been affected by a cancer diagnosises. There were only three of us in the class and one of the ladies didn’t even have cancer. I have no idea why she was there but it pissed me off that she was taking a class with people who were truly facing cancer.
I’m going to try and be better about posting. I have a lot of things in my mind and I am having a difficult time articulating them, which I’d like to attribute to chemo brain (it’s a real thing that I can attest to).
Thank you to all of those who have reached out. I appreciate all the well wishes and positive thoughts. Keep em coming!